She’s sitting there, at the edge of the cliff. Directly below where the rocks jut above the sea. The place where I usually sit. Why? Why is someone else here? Why did it have to be today of all days? I walk closer. She’s wearing a white floral dress. She has long flowing blonde hair. She’s pretty. She’s just looking at the sea. She’s the polar opposite of me. I hate it. Maybe I can just scare her away. I need to do this without another person watching. I cautiously approach and sit down next to her. Before I can say anything, she speaks first. “Ha.. The sea really is beautiful tonight, yeah?” “Yeah, I guess…” “I’m not looking at the sea much though, y’know” “Where are you looking?” “At those rocks.” She pauses and looks downward. “Have you ever thought about jumping?” … “Heh, I’m just kidding, I’m not actually going to jump. Your face though!” She laughs. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Why would you joke about that? Why would you joke about my life? Why are you here? You know that’s how it is for me, right? You know why I’m here nearly every day? That’s why you’re sitting here? To make fun of me? Do you even care? No, you don’t. No one cares. Whatever. I don’t care anymore either. I stand up and silently take a step forward. “Don’t!” She grabs me and yanks me backwards, away from the cliff’s edge. I try to get up but she jumps on me and holds me down, grabbing my arms. “Please don’t do that. I was joking! I didn’t mean it.” She yells “I don’t care. I want to die.” I reply. She freezes. “You’re like me then. Heh.” “What?” “You’re here because you do want to jump, right? Just like me.” She gets off of me and I sit up, facing her. “Are you making fun of me? I know you. You’re pretty, you’re married, you have a cushy job. Why would you throw that away?” “Because I’m trapped. I hate it. It’s not the life I want to live.” “You have the life everyone wants to live. You have everything. Go be happy… and let miserable nobodies like me jump.” “That’s what makes me want to, y’know? I’m trapped, and I want it to be over. That’s why I’m happy that I found someone just like me.” I flinch at that word. Happy. “I’m nothing like you. Get away from me.” I stand up and start walking away from her, towards the trail that takes me back into town. Whatever. I’ll end it some other time. “Wait. █████. Don’t go.” I turn back and snap at her. “Don’t fucking call me that. Ever. That’s not my name anymore.” “I- I’m sorry.” I face away and start walking again. “What do you want me to call you?” I stop walking. “Why do you care?” “I just want to call you by-” “No, why do you care about me? Why did you keep me here? Why save me?” She pauses. “I saved you because you have everything. You have potential. You could get out of this place. I have nothing, my life is locked down by my husband, my parents and my job, all in this stupid nowhere town. You still have a life that’s able to be lived. You can still live for yourself, y’know. I can’t.” I don’t know what to think. Part of me wants to just leave, part of me wants to run for the cliff. But I do neither. “Stop making fun of me. I have nothing, there’s no point to living.” I say “I’m not making fun of you. If there’s no point to living right now, that’s fine. But you might find one later.” she says. “Well, if that’s true, the same goes for you then.” I retort. “No. I’m different. My life is a prison and I can see the sentence I have to serve. Responsibilities. Obligations. Raising a family. Pressure. I don’t have any hope. It’s people like me, people who have things that should jump, not people that have nothing.” I don’t know what to say to that. She actually is suicidal, like me. But also not like me. “Hmm. Do you want to walk along the trail, and we can talk?” I ask She thinks a bit. “Sure, let’s go.” We walk along the trail, but not the one that leads back to town. Instead, this one follows the sea, only about 100 feet from the water. It’s spring, and there’s lots of yellow flowers and tall grass lining the dirt path. No trees, a few houses in the distance. It’d be nice if it wasn’t… this. “By the way, you never told me your real name” she asks. I look down. Should I even tell her? “Clover. I’m Clover.” “That’s a pretty name.” “Well, a pretty name for an ugly girl.” “You’re not ugly!” she says as she jabs me. Were it any other person, I wouldn’t let that slide. I’d be disgusted by that playful attitude. But now I know it’s a facade. Does that make it fine? “No, I am. I mean, who likes the look of me? My unkempt brown hair, ugly square glasses, always wearing a hoodie or a sweatshirt to hide my scars.” “I like it, it’s you.” “You’re Sarah, right? From high school?” “I’m surprised you remembered me.” “Well... when you have no friends and people make fun of you for being a girlish boy, all you can do is observe other people.” “I see. I do remember you. we were friends in middle school, right? That was a weird time. We’re both so different now.” “Yeah, instead of a sad, stupid boy, I’m a girl now. Named fucking Clover. That’s gotta be a cliche.” “Heh… honestly I kinda wish I had your name.” “Why?” “Well because Sarah’s kind of a boring name, y’know? I don’t want to be boring and normal.” “I think it’s nice though. It’s not that boring. Like, you aren’t named Jane or something.” Sarah laughs. “Hmph, I guess not.” The path is getting dark now. We come to a turn that would take us back to town, and I walk right past it. “How old are you now?” I ask. “24. You?” She replies. “I just turned 23, today’s my birthday.” “Why die on your birthday?” She asks. “Because when I decided to end it, it was already so close. Might as well make it to one more milestone, I guess. Plus, if I’m born and I die on the same day, it’s like opening and closing a book on the same sentence. Poetic, I guess...” “Hey, can I confess something to you?” Sarah asks. “What’s up?” “I think one of the reasons I’m glad I saved you is because you had the courage to do something. Something that I’ve been wanting to do. I need you to give me that. Give me that courage.” Stop. I can’t give you anything. Just live and let me die in peace. I can’t. For some reason, I can’t say that to her. I bite my tongue. “That’s really selfish.” I reply. “I know. But I’m a selfish person for wanting to do this, y’know? Leaving my family behind and all that.” I freeze. I’m not selfish for wanting this, am I? No. I’m not. You’re the selfish one here. “Well, I’m not going to leave people behind. I have no friends and my parents just ignore me even though I live in the same house as them. Everyone looks away and abandons me. No one cares about me.” “I care about you, Clover.” I flinch. Don’t do this to me. You can’t save me. “Why do you care? Just go away and let me-” “No, I won’t!” She stops in the middle of the path. I look back. Sarah has her eyes closed and is trembling. “You have everything. Just run.” She says. I can’t. I used to want to run. Escape from this town. But it’s a fantasy. Everywhere is too expensive, and filled with happy people with lives that are set in stone. People with families and high-paying jobs. People that live in townhouses. Like her. “No, I have nothing. I’m not like you. I can’t run.” I yell. “Please… I want you to get out of here, find a better life.” she says. Where would I find a better life when everyone everywhere is a liar and a traitor?!” Sarah is facing me, looking at me intently. “Heh. So I’m a liar and a traitor then?” I flinch. I don’t think she is a bad person. She’s not lying to me like the others, at least. “No… not you obviously. You’re okay.” “Then there’s something, y’know?” No. She’s making me think too much. “Oh, there’s a good flower right there. Look!” Is she serious? I’ll humor her though. It’s hard to see but it’s lit up under the shallow moonlight. It’s pink, has a few petals, I think. Honestly I’m not even paying attention anymore. Just thinking. “Hey, don’t pick this one. This species of flower is endangered.” “I wasn’t going to take any flowers! I’m not a flower-ist or whatever.” “Hehe. You mean a florist?” Sarah laughs “Yeah, that.” I smile. Why did I smile? This is supposed to be over already. Sarah... She's making me want to stick around for a bit. She’s actually not bad to talk to. It’s been so long since I’ve had a real conversation like this. I kinda like it actually. No. Don’t do this to me. Stop doing this. I hate it. I can’t help but consider it though. Maybe I should run. Destroy my old life and create a new life somewhere else. No, I can’t. I just can’t. Fuck. This should be over now. Why is it continuing? Whatever. I don’t care anymore. I grab her hand and I start walking faster, until I’m almost running. “Hey, where are you taking me?” she asks, between breaths. “I’m running. Like you told me. But you’re coming with.” “What? No, I can’t.” “I don’t care, you kept me here. So I’m going to keep you here.” Sarah yanks her hand away from mine. “Clover! Stop!” she yells. “If you want me to live so bad, then why not run away with me?” “I can’t. I told you. I’m tied down.” “Then I’ll untie you.” “Heh. It won’t work. My family will go looking. There’s nowhere to run.” No. Don’t give up. You can still run. I hate people who give up and resign themselves. Maybe that’s why I hate myself so much. But when I think about people like her and their futures, I think of people who have lived in the same house working the same job for the past 30 years. With furniture that hasn’t been moved. Because why would they need to move it? It’s perfect. It’s disgusting. At least try. At least fucking try. “We’ll throw away our phones so they can’t find us. We’ll get on a bus. Go somewhere. Anywhere but here. We’ll find a place. And once we get there, we can destroy our old lives.” She looks down at her feet. I honestly don’t believe what I’m saying. I don’t even know why I’m doing this anymore. I just know that she wants me to live and I trust her. I trust her enough to stick around a little bit more. But if she’s going to do that to me, I’ll do the same to her. I look away, towards the sea. Huh, maybe that is selfish? But if it was me, I would’ve prevented her from jumping too. Keeping someone alive isn’t selfish, I think. I just want to be to her the person I’d want for me. A friend. Someone who would comfort me. I look back. Sarah’s sitting on the ground. She’s crying, softly. Like she didn’t want me to notice. “Don’t look at me!” I sit down next to her. “Just go away.” I’m holding back tears. “Just let me die.” I hug her tightly. “You’re okay. We’re going to be okay. We can do this.” She wraps her arms around me too, still sobbing. “I- I don’t want to.” “Neither do I. But I have to.” She hugs me tighter. I start crying. We cried together, in each other’s arms. After a while, it was over. We stopped embracing and sat calmly next to each other. “Hey Clover. Do you want to meet up tomorrow? And we can talk about going together?” Sarah asked. “Sure, same place?” “Yeah. I’ll sit *away* from the edge this time. Just so you don’t have to worry, y’know?” “Okay. Have you thought about where we should go? I’m thinking Colorado.” “I kinda want to go to Oregon.” she said I laugh. “Pfft. You would want to go to Oregon, huh?” “What’s that supposed to mean?” she asks. “Hmph, nothing, nothing.” “Hey, it’s already midnight. We should probably go back home.” “Yours or mine?” “...” “Heh, just kidding.” We walk back to the town, away from the sea.